So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
