honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
