I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
