New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
