I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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