I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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