Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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