My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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