Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
