zippers are such a cool invention
pop tarts are not kleenex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
