I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
