I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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