The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
