My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
