then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
