I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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