i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
