everyone is single if you try hard enough
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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