You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
