We're facebook friends in real life
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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