how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
