he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
