dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
