Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
