i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
