College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
