She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
