and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
