My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
