i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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