I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
