I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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