Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
