I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
