Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
