That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
