Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
