ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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