then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
