My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
