Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
