it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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