BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
