she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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