hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
