so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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