Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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