My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
