I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
