Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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