I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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