It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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