i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found puke in my bra..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
