May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
